Currently Listening Good Charlotte By Good Charlotte emotionless see related

okay, its been forever since I last my last update so let me tell ya whats been going on. Arguing with my sisters boyfriend, Brandon. School, church, and just chillin with friends. I put in an application to work at camp, then last night I flipped a coin to see if i was going to work at camp. Heads worki at camp and tails to stay here. And it landed on tails. My sister is planning to go to Pennsylvania to visit my dad and she asked me if I wanted to go and since I have only seen him once in like 4 years, I want to see him. One of my top priorities. That and get a house. Well gotta go.

Peaces

Currently Listening Encore (Deluxe Edition) By Eminem you make me sick see related

Where to begin, first of all. I got in trouble about a month ago and got my cell taken away. Then Christmas came, which to be honest I hate it . There is just too much emphasis on Santa and not the true meaning of Christmas. Thirdly, I lost an awesome peom I wrote about my dad which I was going to give him when he came in. I havent seen him in 4 years. It sucked big time. When he came to my sister's house I was plastered which was cool but the next day when I saw him sober, it was just too much odd silences. Then the third day, I went home but he didnt go to my sisters to spend time with her at all. He stayed at the hotel with the homewrecker because they wanted to talk and it had just got done raining and he was tired and he just wanted to stay there. The fourth day, he came to Cassie's, he wondered why I wasnt there. DUH! He can't make time for his own daughters that he hasnt seen in years then I cant make time for him. The last day, when he was getting ready to go home he asked my sister, I hope I didnt make Nikki mad. No you didnt make me mad. Not at all, IDIOT! So needless to say I didnt say goodbye to him and it will probably be about 5 years next time I see him. I mean, when he went over to my sisters, he stayed for like an hour or two and then left. Didnt take us anywhere or nothing. What am I suppose to do? Act like nothing is wrong. After that visit, what little respect I had for him, its out the window. I dont ever want to talk to him or see his face again.

One more thing, I cant work at camp next year which sucks because I had a great time there all except the whole fired thing or it being like a prison. But anyways I cant work cause I'm going to be living on my own so I gotta get a real job probably two just to keep myself from doing any bad things. Oh yeah, Im trying to quit smoking tobacco AGAIN. I just dont want lung cancer and its an expensive habit. So Im going to try to go to sleep because I have school in the morning and its 2:21 am and I cant sleep at all. Sorry for going on and on but sometimes its just good to vent out whats bothering you.            Peace out

Currently Listening Healing Rain By Michael W. Smith see related

Nothing much has really happened since I've wrote except I made up my mind about working at camp. I'm not . I really want to move out and get a taste of responsibilty. I know its going to be hard but me and my friend are going to roommates so it will make easier.

I parties last weekend and went to church the next day and felt really bad. I really need to get it together. My mom is figuring out that I'm back into weed and she's just about ready to take my cell phone away. And when tha happens she said she was going to give me a drug test. But no matter how long I'm away from weed it always comes back to me. This is a poem I wrote at camp I hope you guys like it.

                       "Why Do I Feel "(My forever prayer)"                           6-19-05

Why do I feel when people's with me I'm the only one around?

Why do I feel like if I yell no one will hear me make a sound?

Why do I feel like people don't care when they actually do?

Why do I feel like nothing I do is good enough for you?

Why do I feel stressed?

Why do I feel depressed?

I'm tired of feeling this way.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm always being let astray.

Why do I feel like I don't want people to care?

Why do I feel like there's nothing I can bare?

God, why do I always give in?

Why do I always like to sin?

Lord, this is my forever prayer,

Lord, help me if you can and dare.

Why do I feel like I want to quit?

Why do I always feel like saying, "I can't take anymore, this is it?"

Lord, I pray you take away my pains,

Lord, I beg just take away my strains.

Lord, take away all this feeling.

God, I know you can if I'm just willing.